There is a lot of stigma around sexuality. You see sex plastered over billboards and it can be used to sell anything from a pair of socks to a bottle of perfume. yet there is also a lot of shame and guilt around sex which means that it can be cast away and hidden in the shadows of our everyday lives. It's time to break this vicious cycle of standards and expectations. It's time to truly understand who you are and what makes you feel good.
Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash
Breaking the taboos
In history, it is known that women traditionally became stay at home mothers. Each day doing the cooking and cleaning of their homes whilst raising their children and making sure to pleasure their husbands after a long hard day at work. In today's society, times are changing with the legalisation of same sex marriages, stay at home dads and the increasing desire for women to pursue their careers professionally, it is a curiosity as to why women's sexuality is still something that seems forgotten and swept under the carpet. In a society where there is no normal, we should do more to explore and represent the true diversity of our bodies and what is defined as sexuality.
Where is all the information?
When researching for this article, it was shocking to see how sparse and little information there was around women's sexuality. Even reflecting back on childhood, we are told stories of happily ever after yet never find out what happens after true loves first kiss. It is no surprise that women feel confused and left in the dark when it comes to their sexuality. In fact even in Sex Education classes there is no mention of female pleasure and the lessons leave us unprepared for what awaits us as we reach our adult lives.
In fact, Sex Educations outdated style can potentially be to blame for women's low libido when all we are taught is that sex can ruin our lives with the potential of teenage pregnancies or the possibility of catching a Sexually Transmitted Infection. Perhaps a more balanced and inclusive teaching system should be introduced into schools, especially when sex is often acted on because it feels good and not for reproductive purposes in this day and age.
What women grow up with
In society women are told to be desirable. We must not wear skirts that are too short in case we distract males, yet if we cover up our bodies we can be deemed as frigid. In streets we are catcalled and made to feel uncomfortable. yet if we embrace our sexuality we can be deemed as dirty and even undesirable in itself.
Being brought up in this society of shame and in a position where it feels like there is no winning, women can be left unwilling to listen or to even accept their sexual desires. It is a scary statistic that half of women feel as though they have some form of sexual disfunction. It makes you wonder, is sexuality working in favour of women? Perhaps it is time that instead of listening to these contradicting standards, it is time that we instead listen to ourselves and our own instincts.
Embracing your sexuality
It's time to put the reigns back into your own hands! own your sexuality and find out what works and feels good for you, after all there is no normal!
Redefine your sexuality; take a step back from what society has dictated to you as right or wrong. It's time to put yourself first for a change. What does sexuality mean to you? Take some time to reconnect with yourself and learn what actually makes you feel good
Acceptance; understand your body and be kind to yourself. Own your experiences and be proud of who you are. A great way of doing this is by seeking a sex therapist if it is financially possible or by keeping a journal of your thoughts, desires and emotions
Support sexual education classes that do not shame our teenagers: it's time that the education system lines up with society's values and morals
Peer support groups; did you know that sharing your experiences in a judgement free setting can help you feel empowered and inspired? Talking about your sex life with friends doesn't just help you feel good about yourself, it also teaches you new things, provides reassurance and helps normalise casual sex
It doesn't matter who you are, what your sexual orientation is and if you are in a relationship or happily single. The most important thing is to accept yourself and to find out what makes you feel good. Take some time to reconnect with yourself and learn what makes you feel whole again.