Sexuality is extremely diverse. It encompasses all aspects of sexual behaviour, such as gender identity, attitudes, orientation and activity. We see unrealistic depictions of sex on tv, in films and in other media as everyone seems so ready for penetrative sex without any form of lubrication, stimulation or foreplay. If only it were that easy. This depiction can be damaging because conditions such as vaginismus mean penis-in- Vagina (PIV) sex isn't always possible and can lead to feelings of sexual inadequacy or shame. As someone who's struggled with vaginismus, it has had such a negative effect on my emotions, feelings and attitudes towards sex and sexual encounters. But there are so many ways to achieve sexual liberation whilst having vaginismus.
So What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition where muscles in the pelvic floor area involuntarily tense or contract. This can make penetration during sexual intercourse difficult or impossible. It can also create pain when inserting tampons or during a medical examination. It can be triggered by physical concerns such as genital injury, and surgery or psychological factors such as trauma and anxiety. Because the tightening is unintentional it can cause a lot of frustration and sadness. As someone who has been diagnosed with this condition, I understand how hopeless and worthless it can make you feel, being unable to do something that everyone around you is (supposedly) able to do.
Different Types of Vaginismus
There are 2 different kinds of vaginismus: Primary vaginismus is when penetration has never been successful or pain-free, whereas 'Secondary vaginismus' is when penetration was successful, but it is no longer possible due to surgery or trauma. This could happen at any stage of life.
Discovering Sexual Freedom and Pleasure
Regardless of penetration being painful or unenjoyable, there are many ways in which we can regain control, comfort and experience pleasure. Hope is not lost! Instead of focusing on intercourse, the focus can be shifted to outercourse. Outercourse is very subjective and can mean a lot of different things to different people. However, in essence, it is sexual activity that can include everything other than penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration or any kind of penetration. There are so many fun, sensual ways to explore outercourse; this can be through:
Massages
Sex Toys
Cuddling
Rubbing
Kissing
Treatments
After discovering new exciting ways to have non-PIV sex you're probably thinking 'This sounds interesting but I still want to have successful PIV... how do I achieve that?'. Vaginismus is treatable and curable. There are a lot of ways you can improve your condition, this is through:
Vaginal Trainers/Dilators
Pelvic Floor Exercise
Yoga
Meditation
The National Institution of Health indicates vaginismus affects 1% of the female population. However, it is suspected to be a lot more than that as people often suffer in silence. So even with vaginismus these techniques could help reduce the pain and ensure you have the freedom/pleasure you deserve.