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Can We Ever Really Have 'Friends With Benefits'?

The benefits of a sexual relationship with none of the emotion or commitment but all the secrecy of a torrid married affair

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship." Oscar Wilde

Hands barely touching

Is FWB a 21st century myth or a workable solution to our ever-busy lives?

I thought a 'friends with benefit' situation would be perfect for my busy lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of conventional, (or boring as I like to call them), relationships. Suffice to say, I have had enough (but not too many) of those kinds of relationships to know they are not for me. I always feel compromised and stifled, like my life is not my own. I feel like I have to think about yet another person before myself, and quite frankly being a single mum, I have more than enough of that going on already. So, I figured a FWB would be perfect for me. Unfortunately finding one is not that simple! Men either seem to think it's some elaborate trick to trap them in to a relationship, the 'too good to be true' scenario, or they think I will catch feelings for them and declare my undying love.

No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.” Harry, in the movie When Harry Met Sally

Why is no one is talking openly about 'friends with benefits' situations?

This got me wondering and looking for advice on how to find such a 'relationship', what was happening with my single friends and fellow students? Were any of them in this kind of situation and if so, why were we not casually discussing it over coffee.? This is when I discovered no one, or at least no one I know, is 'sharing' their experiences of this lifestyle choice and I thought, why?

Is there a stigma surrounding it? Have I stumbled upon one of the few taboo sexual choices left in our modern society?

This article in She Began may explain the secrecy surrounding FWB

What I took from this is that my desire for a FWB encounter was something to hide, a secret on par with an extra marital affair. How dare I just want a non-committal sexual relationship! All of which is a moot point as previously stated, all the men I have approached have been a no go. So, for now at least, I guess I'll keep loving my life, as sexless singleton.


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