‘But you’re too young to know yet’ is a sentence that is constantly coming out of different people's mouths. Everyone around me is constantly expecting me to have a child one day, but for me, and many other females, this life change just isn’t our future, and that is fine!
What are the expectations of a woman?
If you are a heterosexual/bisexual female who can bear a child with a male, then society believes you should! But just because you can, this doesn’t mean that you need to. Many women sadly can not bear a child, and their only dream in life is to have their child. Because of this, these women and their families view people like you and me as very selfish, because we can, so we should. There are many reasons why a woman might not want to have a child of her own, as there’s are many complications that might come with conceiving, during the pregnancy, during the birth, and once the child has arrived. All of these issues that may arise during the whole process of having a child could easily scare many women away, and it has.
Issues that may during the whole process of having a baby
One of the main issues that women have when trying to conceive is not knowing their ovulation cycle, as well as only having sex on the day she is supposed to ovulate, and obsessing over certain positions that are supposed to help you convince ‘easier’ without actually talking to a professional about it. During the actual pregnancy, women often suffer from high blood pressure, infections (which could harm the foetus), kidney problems and anaemia.
As if all of these weren’t enough to scare you off, there is also a 1 in 4 chance of a woman, unfortunately, experiencing a miscarriage, which no family can ever mentally prepare for https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/early-pregnancy/how-common-miscarriage. . This can have a huge train on the family. When giving birth, Perineal tears are very common, as well as problems with the umbilical cord, abnormal heart rate of the baby and excessive bleeding which could result in the death of the mother.
Personally, for me, all of the points stated above are some reasons why I and many other women are not wanting a child. On top of these complications that could potentially take place, there is the chance of experiencing postpartum depression which is essentially when you feel so overwhelmed with powerful emotions, and you don’t quite know what to do with them! Having depression, in general, is such a horrible emotion to experience, but having depression whilst pregnant (antenatal depression) can make you somewhat ‘resent‘ your new baby, whether you planned to have a child or not. Some new mummies feel like their life has been taken from them once they become pregnant, as a lot of things they once did, they can not do any more. This feeling is more common than you would think 1 in 8 women in the United Kingdom is known to experience antenatal depression whilst being pregnant. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/overview/ This is common in fathers too!
It just isn’t in my nature
Some women are ‘born to be mothers’, just as some people are ‘born to be teachers’. For some women, it is their only wish to be a mother, and they do an amazing job at it, but for others, it just isn’t in their 5-year life plan, or their 10, or 20! With this being said, young women are constantly being degraded, and their thoughts, feelings, wants and needs are being completely disregarded, due to their age. ‘But you’re too young to know yet’. Anyone over the age of 16 are legally ‘allowed’ to have sexual intercourse in the United Kingdom, meaning from 16, you could have a child if you wanted to! There are arguments around this, as women fully mature mentally around 32 years of age and not maturing until the early 30s could shadow your thought process, and you could think you’re ready when you may not be. But for the majority of women with this mindset, it‘s a when you know you know kind of thing. I have never been brought up around young children, I don't know how to talk to a young child, I don't know how to play and act around a young child, and quite frankly, I am scared that I could hurt them because I don’t know how to handle them!
Many strong women in this world know what they want, whether that’s a good job, a nice house and car, or to travel the world and they could never see themselves being a stay at home mum. Me being 20 years of age with these views means I’m always being told that I am ‘too young to know', and this is maybe true, I might change my mind one day. One thing I do know is that I do want a good job where I can provide for my loved ones, and have a house of my own to keep me warm. Without any of this, I won't be having a child. This is fine as there is not a law mandating that women need to have a child, having a child come with so many.
What is worse, not having a child, or having a child that you do not want?
Many people are blind to this question and think because you can bare a child, you should. However, if this child will not be experiencing a good life and will not be provided for, it would be unfair for them to grow up in this environment. Having a child is a lifelong commitment, well, at least an 18-year commitment, which you have to be prepared for. They need to be cared for, you need to ensure they are well-fed, when they grow up they will want the latest trends, you’ll need to be prepared for puberty and the mood swings that come with this, maybe guitar lessons, a car to learn how to drive and just birthdays and Christmas in general! You also need to be a councillor, a teacher and a companion in one, and if you were a little bit cheeky growing up, you’ll know how difficult it can be to produce these relationships with your relatives whilst growing up.
I hope this article doesn’t put you off having children, because like I said, some people are born to be parents. If this isn’t you, however, that’s fine, and you shouldn’t be made to feel less of a woman for being ‘selfish‘ and thinking about yourself. You know what you want in life, and that’s all that matters, but remember, you are never too young to know what you want in your life.